Dave Attell is a renowned stand-up comedian known for his dark humor and quick wit. His unique comedic style has gained him a significant following over the years. Attell’s ability to deliver hilarious one-liners and observations about life has made him a favorite among comedy lovers. In this article, we will explore some of the best Dave Attell quotes that will surely leave you in stitches.
Read these Dave Attell Quotes
“I’m not a drinker, I’m a drunk.”
“I’m not fat, I’m festively plump.”
“I’ve been doing stand-up for 20 years. I’ve been drinking for 30. I’m better at drinking.”
“I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.”
“I don’t have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!”
“I like being married. I like having kids. But I also like being alone. I like eating by myself. I like going to the movies by myself. I like hanging out with me.”
“I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s tough. The other day I ordered a salad and the waitress asked me if I wanted a side of fries with it.”
“I love New York City. It’s a great place to be if you’re a homeless person.”
“They say laughter is the best medicine. That’s why I laugh at everything, even my own jokes.”
“I don’t know what’s worse: going to bed drunk or waking up next to someone who is drunk.”
“I’m not a morning person. I’m barely an afternoon person.”
“I don’t drink as much anymore. Now I just drink as often.”
“I’m not a doctor, but I play one at the bar.”
“I’m so broke, I can’t even pay attention.”
“I don’t mind getting older, but my body is taking it pretty hard.”
“I was at a bar the other night, and a guy asked me if I wanted to play pool. I said, ‘Sure, what are the rules?’ He said, ‘I’ll tell you after I win.’
“I don’t trust people who don’t drink. How do you know they’re not vampires?”
“I don’t judge people based on their race or religion. I judge them based on their driving skills.”
“People always ask me if I’m high when I’m on stage. No, I’m just really tired.”
“I’m not a role model. Unless you consider binge drinking and poor decision making a role.”
“I’m not saying I’m an alcoholic, but I do drink like one.”
These Dave Attell quotes are just a glimpse into the comedic genius of this talented comedian. His ability to find humor in everyday situations and deliver it with perfect timing is what sets him apart. Whether you’re a fan of dark humor or simply appreciate a good laugh, Dave Attell’s quotes are guaranteed to leave you in stitches. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the hilarious world of Dave Attell.
